5 years. That's how long it's been since I first had the idea to start a blog.

 

10 years. That's about how old I was when I figured out that I had an interest in writing.

 

15 years. The age that I decided that the life of a penniless, tortured writer & artist probably wasn't for me.

 

I'm 21 now - 22 in a few months - but already at my young age, I have cycled through numerous dreams & passions. Picking them up and tossing them to one side with the same regard a child gives its brand new toy after just a few days of entertainment.

 

My issue is this: I'm a dreamer .... with his fair share of anxiety & depression.

 

I can sit back, close my eyes, and my mind will come to life with a parade of thoughts and ideas. Inventions, innovations, artwork, dance moves - you name it, it's crossed my mind. I lose hours pondering solutions to questions that most either don't dare to ask or don't care enough to be bothered by. I analyse, over-analyse, and over-over-analyse problems till I find an answer. Occasionally, the answers I discover are profound. They lead to a deeper understanding of myself, a greater sense of my place in this world, and a wisdom which leaves me securely branded as an old soul. However, a lot of the time, they're utterly fucking pointless!

 

With so many thoughts & ideas crammed in one mind, things can get somewhat overwhelming. Separating the wheat from the chaff can become a tiresome affair. And even when all my great wheaty ideas are ready to be processed, I'm often left with a critical problem:

 

How do you pick the right idea when they all seem to have real potential?

To this, I've decided turn to the sage words of Gary Vaynerchuk

 

"Get off the bitch train and just pick one"

...Truer words have yet to be spoken.

 

Though, truth-be-told, deciding which idea to pursue wasn't my greatest issue. It probably wasn't even in the top 3. The biggest obstacle for me has always been overcoming the fear of what other people will think. It's been a recurring issue in my life. One which is likely exacerbated by my persistent anxiety.

 

And one which - I can very proudly say - I have begun to take control of.

 

The beginning of the switch to my thinking came from advice from another role model of mine, Casey Neistat 

 

"In life, you have 2 options. You can do your own thing and stand out, or you can do what you're supposed to do (what everyone else does) and fit in."

 

Put so simply, the decision became clear and so it's led me to this point. To actually taking action and doing.

However, it's at this point that my greatest vulnerability as a dreamer becomes exposed. Because as exciting as it is to conceptualise grandiose ideas, they mean nothing without proper execution behind them. And therein lies the rub. The proverbial challenge of the dreamer. To not only pick a single idea but to then marry it, commit to it, and forsake all others in a pursuit to bring it to life. And as eager as I may be now to jump the broom, amidst all this initial excitement, I must remember that there will be days where I struggle to find that passion. There will be days where I can't find the joy in it at all, and I must not overlook the unique challenges that litter my path; because depression is real, and its specter lurks behind every corner.

 

So reminder-to-self:

 

Sometimes you will get down - really down. You will awake and stare at the ceiling; the weight of your life choices pressing against your chest and pinning you to the bed. Terrified that the decision to chase your dreams was utterly the wrong one.

 

When that happens, simply stop & ask yourself: what's the alternative?

 

Your parents will say "become a doctor" but such professions are deemed 'a calling' for a reason.

 

Common sense says to become a chemical engineer, slip into a safe job somewhere that pays well but isn't what you really want. But then what? Wake up 10, 20, 30 years down the line, in a life that doesn't really fit you, wondering where all that time went.

 

Time is your most precious resource. Spend it doing things you enjoy, no matter how crazy it may seem to anyone else.

 

So let's consider this first post to be a simple 'I do'. The first step in a very long journey. The acceptance that this post, and the much more to come, will likely be the worst I have to offer. With the hope that over time I will improve and one day, I will be able to look back on this post wide-eyed and teary, with sheer pride at how far I've come.